i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
