my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
