Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
