hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
operation have a gay friend backfired
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
