community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
