drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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