Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
