Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Fuck appropriateness.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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