Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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