I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We have so much sex to catch up on
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
