Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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