I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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