I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
