The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
