Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
