wrigley field is MILF paradise
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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