i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
