I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
