Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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