why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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