Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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