i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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