I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
