then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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