I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
