Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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