everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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