Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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