I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
