There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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