I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
