i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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