I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
