Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
