You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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