While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
