She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
