So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
