Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
