ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize