I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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