Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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