did you get engaged???
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
