Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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