i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
