Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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