smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
