YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
