i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
