I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
