over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
