Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I think i got beer on your cat.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
