This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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