its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
