Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
