he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
