she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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