youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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