I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
