I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
