Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
