he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
