he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize