he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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