I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
