drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
